The Ultimate Joke
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Aristocrats mime
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The Aristocrats (2005 documentary)
The challenge of this hub page will be even talking about the joke in this documentary (unrated by the MPAA) while keeping the page clean enough for HubPages! The Aristocrats is a documentary about a single joke, told a thousand different ways - and in the process, is also a commentary of the nature of humor itself. What's interesting about the Aristocrats is that (for anyone who has been initiated into the joke), the punch line has lost every element of suprise, and really isn't that funny in the first place. The humor comes in the body of the joke, which is different with every teller and every telling.
To give a better idea, the joke starts with a man going to see a talent agent or club owner to pitch his stage act. The agent/owner asks what the show entails. This is where the fun comes in - the teller just improvises the most absurd, obscene, ridiculous act for the man to pitch. Sometimes the telling of this can go on for half an hour - and most of the laughs come along the way. In the end, the agent/owner says "that's disgusting!", "that's great!", or "very interesting" -- and then, "What do you call your act?" followed by the punch line (also the name of the joke) - which sometimes the teller will try to modify or embellish in some way to add some uniqueness to it.
The joke itself is generally too dirty to be told in a normal forum or comedic act, but is a tradition among comedians, which is what this documentary commemorizes: dozens of famous comedians talking about or telling the joke in their own way. The documentary may make you imagine these heavy-hitters standing around drinking and smoking at a private party, a handful of them huddled together laughing for minutes on end as one of them does his version. Some of the best were seeing the Smothers Brothers, Hank Azaria, Whoopi Goldberg, Drew Carey, Bob Saget, Andy Dick, Robin Williams, and Sarah Silverman - recognizable faces, many of them wholesome TV personalities, contrasted with the foul content of the joke, makes it that much more hilarious. Right in the middle of the documentary, the sound cuts out as they show a mime on a boardwalk like Venice Beach miming the joke. Seeing this guy (who would usually being doing harmless family-friendly slapstick) pantomime the obscene act being pitched is absurdly hilarious, and made me fall out of my chair with laughter. As long as you're not easily offended (and any kids are out of the house), The Aristocrats is well worth renting.
Card trick version
Bob Saget's version
Sarah Silverman telling the Aristocrats joke
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Thanks! I'm definitely giving the contest a shot... though writing a decent hub does take some time. I love seeing the dark side of all these comics -- though seeing George Carlin tell the Aristocrats is not near as surprising or funny as someone like Bob Saget, who has spent his whole life in front of the network TV censors doing family shows.
I reccommend Steve Hoffstetter for the college humor scene...He is beyond funny and is tearing up the college circuit..
THE ARISTOCRATS JOKE - LOONEY TUNES VERSION
Porky Pig is a talent agent, and Daffy Duck barges into his office, and says, “Brother, have I got an act for you!”
Porky tries to say, “But I’m b-b-busi-b-b-busi-I’m unavailable.”
Daffy says, “But this is the most spectacular act ever seen! Just listen to this!
“First, Elmer Fudd walks up onstage, but he’s not carrying his usual hunting rifle. No, sir! He’s walking around with his fly open, and he’s holding his dick in his hand, and he’s got a huge hardon! It’s so big, it can be seen from the back row! So, Bugs Bunny enters, and he and I get into our famous ‘rabbit season-duck season’ routine, and Bugs tricks me into telling Elmer Fudd, ‘I say it’s duck season and I say, fire!’ But Elmer has no gun! So he points his enormous dick at me and jizzes all over my face! So there I am, covered in jizz, and I say to Bugs, ‘You’re despicable!’
“But there’s more! Lots more! Next, Henry the chickenhawk comes up on stage, and he says, ‘I’m a chickenhawk, and I wanna fuck a chicken!’ Foghorn Leghorn quickly bolts right up and says, ‘Ah’m -Ah say- Ah’m a chicken!’ But Foghorn does not submit to being fucked by the little hawk! No, he shoves Henry Hawk down to the ground and butt-fucks him good! The audience watches in delight as Foghorn rams his huge penis into this little tiny hawk, who’s soon screaming and crying and bleeding rectally. Foghorn looks to the audience, and says, ‘Being as Ah’m a rooster, it’s only natural that Ah have a great big cock! Cock, Ah say! Rooster!!! Cock!!! That’s a joke, son!’
“Then, a female cat runs onstage in a state of panic! She’s being pursued by none other than Pepe Le Pew! He rushes up to her, and says, ‘Ah, my darling, you would like to smell my sweet perfumed anal gas, no?’ And he holds her down and farts on her over and over again! But that’s not all! Next he says, ‘Ahhhh, my sweet buttercup, you need never be poor, as I shall give you zee golden shower!’ And he pisses all over her!
“Then, Sylvester chases Tweety on stage, and Sylvester grabs tweety in his paw. As always, Granny shows up, and bashes Sylvester with her umbrella. Granny picks up Tweety, and says to the little bird, ‘You tawt you taw a putty tat? Well, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet!’ She lifts up her dress, drops her drawers, and then repeatedly rams Tweety in and out of her cunt! The audience goes wild!
“Elmer Fudd comes over to Granny and starts jerking off, and shoots gallons of dick cream all over Granny, then on Pepe Le Pew, then on Foghorn Leghorn, then Henry Hawk, then me, then finally on Bugs Bunny! That’s the cue for you to enter, and as soon as Elmer Fudd shoots his load on you, you turn to the audience with your face covered in cum, and say your trademark line, ‘B-b-b-That’s all, folks!’”
Porky says to Daffy, “That’s certainly an offbeat act. W-w-what do you call it?”
“The Aristocrats!”
I want to join this group
helenathegreat 4 years ago
Great hub, MC7! (You are totally kicking this contest's butt, huh?) I saw the documentary on the Aristocrats joke about a year ago and thought it was excellent; my favorite is Bob Saget. He's so unexpectedly dirty.